The confinement of an institution is not learning, it is schooling and does not cater to the needs of a teen, but to the requirements of a system. Unschooling with your teen can be fun, rewarding and stress free!

What about socialization? It’s ironic that our society tends to equate a social life with the public school system. When in actuality a social life is one that is achieved by socializing in the real world. Have we not figured out yet that our children gain such a better understanding of the real life by living in it and not peering out at it from a school window? A parents involvement with their teen is very important for this experience to take place. Either by joining local homeschool groups, science clubs, the local YMCA or by volunteering in community services, your teen has many outlets to acquire a true social life.

Unschooling a teenager requires love, a huge amount of nurturing, and a lot of patience and trust. You, as the parent are there to listen and be a good role model. Through reliable resources, either through your local library or book store, Netflix or other DVD rental place, every topic your teen wants to learn about can be acquired either locally, online, and experienced at home.

Having a friendship and mature relationship with my teen and unschooled daughter Autumn has been one of the most important aspects of living an unschooling life. As a family we have learned to live together with a level of respect for one another. We have an open mouth policy and by this I mean that we can talk about everything and say anything that we feel necessary and know that we are not going to be judged. And yes, I mean anything!

Unschooling teenagers should not be something that stresses a parent or teen to the point of arguing. There are many support groups, homeschooling books, forums and blogs, like this one, that are out there to answer any questions or concerns that you may have regarding your teenager and the unschooling choice. By allowing your teen some personal space, along with a level of trust, the learning experience with your teen can be one filled with good times and great memories. I believe that your teen will one day be thankful for your peaceful guidance, your constant support and your unending love and trust.

Be well.

Written by Kimberly Sharpe Slage
Photo: Kimberly & Autumn

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Woman #1: Hi. My name is Maggie. My kids are the three in red shirts — helps me keep track of them.
Woman #2: (Smiles) I’m Terri. Mine are in the pink and yellow shirts. Do you come here a lot?
W1: Usually two or three times a week, after we go to the library.
W2: Wow. Where do you find the time?
W1:: We home school, so we do it during the day most of the time.
W2: Some of my neighbors home school, but I send my kids to public school.
W1:: Wow – how do you do it?
W2: It’s not easy. I go to all the PTO meetings and work with the kids every day after school and stay real involved.
W1: But what about socialization? Aren’t you worried about them being cooped up all day with kids their own ages, never getting the opportunity for natural relationships?
W2: Well, yes. But I work hard to balance that. They have some friends who’re home schooled, and we visit their grandparents almost every month.
W1: Sounds like you’re a very dedicated mom. But don’t you worry about all the opportunities they’re missing out on? I mean they’re so isolated from real life — how will they know what the world is like — what people do to make a living — how to get along with all different kinds of people?
W2: Oh, we discussed that at PTO, and we started a fund to bring real people into the classrooms. Last month, we had a policeman and a doctor come in to talk to every class. And next month, we’re having a woman from Japan and a man from Kenya come to speak.
W1: Oh, we met a man from Japan in the grocery store the other week, and he got to talking about his childhood in Tokyo. My kids were absolutely fascinated. We invited him to dinner and got to meet his wife and their three children.
W2: That’s nice. Hmm. Maybe we should plan some Japanese food for the lunchroom on Multicultural Day.
W1: Maybe your Japanese guest could eat with the children.
W2: Oh, no. She’s on a very tight schedule. She has two other schools to visit that day. It’s a system-wide thing we’re doing.
W1: Oh, I’m sorry. Well, maybe you’ll meet someone interesting in the grocery store sometime and you’ll end up having them over for dinner.
W2: I don’t think so. I never talk to people in the store – certainly not people who might not even speak my language. What if that Japanese man hadn’t spoken English?
W1: To tell you the truth, I never had time to think about it. Before I even saw him, my six-year-old had asked him what he was going to do with all the oranges he was buying.
W2: Your child talks to strangers?
W1: I was right there with him. He knows that as long as he’s with me, he can talk to anyone he wishes.
W2: My children never talk to strangers.
W1: Not even when they’re with you?
W2: They’re never with me, except at home after school. So you see why it’s so important for them to understand that talking to strangers is a big no-no.
W1: Yes, I do. But if they were with you, they could get to meet interesting people and still be safe. They’d get a taste of the real world, in real settings. They’d also get a real feel for how to tell when a situation is dangerous or suspicious.
W2: They’ll get that in the third and fifth grades in their health courses.
W1: Well, I can tell you’re a very caring mom. Let me give you my number — if you ever want to talk, give me call. It was good to meet you.

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The Unprocessed Child is a work of nonfiction about a child raised with no coercion and no curriculum. Laurie Chancey spent her childhood immersing herself in topics of her own choosing. She was never forced to learn something simply because tradition and/or society said it was necessary. No one was looking over her shoulder to make sure she was learning the “proper” subjects.

Having never seen a textbook or taken a test, never used workbooks or any type of teaching techniques, Laurie scored in the top 10% of the state of Louisiana on her college entrance exam. She enrolled in college when she was eighteen, and graduated summa cum laude three and a half years later. Laurie is a bright adult, but her IQ is not why she did so well. She spent her life learning to learn and it’s something that now comes easily to her.

The Unprocessed Child was written by her mother Valerie Fitzenreiter, and is full of examples of raising a child with respect and dignity. It is the first book written about a radically unschooled child who has now reached adulthood and is a responsible member of society.

Questions about the radical unschooling lifestyle are answered on topics ranging from socialization, parental responsibility, self-discipline, chores, bedtimes and much more. The book shows that it is not only possible to befriend your child, but that it is highly preferable to the struggles that so many parents go through with their children. It proves that school is not necessary for learning, socializing or motivation.

Click to purchase

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