As an unschooling mother of two girls ages, 11 and 17, I consider myself very fortunate. I have been able to be at home with my children for almost 18 years. I have witnessed every stage of development the girls have experienced. These different experiences have been lived out while traveling and living in so many different places. With my husband working in the hospitality business we have lived everywhere: Orlando, Chicago, Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Coral Springs, New Orleans, and Alabama. All of these adventures, as we like to call them, have been happy, sad, scary, crazy but more importantly, real life lessons. Our children have been living daily in a real world with people of all different ages, financial situations, religious practices, familial partnerships, and of different ethnic orientations. They can carry on conversations with elderly people, young people, surgeons, nurses, lawyers, car salesmen, librarians, policemen, taxi drivers and just about any individual out there because they have lived in the real world and not closed up in a classroom memorizing nonsense that they wont remember by the following week.

The economy today is a very difficult place for so many individuals to live. With the price of gas, the increase in food cost, and the loss of homes, jobs, and health insurance, our family has lived it and witnessed it unravel. Let’s face it, for the majority of homeschooling/unschooling families, a strict budget has been created. My husband and I for example decided 18 years ago to rid ourselves of our two new cars and downsized to one. (We now have two). We stopped eating out and buying things that were not necessities. We made a commitment to each other that the two of us would do whatever it took to have our children raised in a loving and nurturing home and that they would not be put into a daycare program. We both feel that the home should be a place where a child feels loved, wanted, and not feel that their parents can’t wait for them to go back to school. Because of our philosophies with unschooling, our children have been living in the real world and not behind a fence where they are controlled and told what they must learn. They should never be rushed to bed or feel stressed over homework. A child should be playing, reading, painting, volunteering, and feeling the world around them and not be pushed out each day into a world of walls, lines, bullies, test, and restrictions.

With unschooling, we have grown as a family in more ways then we have ever expected. My oldest daughter has such a beautiful outlook on the world that surrounds her. She feels sad when she sees a homeless person on the side of the road. She wonders what their story is, where they are going to sleep that evening, do they have children, and how are they going to take care of themselves if they get sick. She has learned this past year when my brother, Michael, became fatally ill and did not have health insurance, that worry had kept him from going to the ER because of cost. He almost died because of this fear. She witnessed the process in the hospital with the health care administration in regards to a treatment plan. His medical recovery was going to be very different from that of a patient that had a high priced private insurance plan. She learned through this exposure how to treat wounds, change an colostomy appliance, and she actually volunteered to sit through instructions with him so he too would understand how to take care of himself once he was sent home. She learned that surgeons could be very nice and would let you help them with minor procedures in the hospital room by simply asking. (handing tools, and up close observation). She was treated not as a young person that shouldn’t be exposed to such tragedies, but was treated respectfully because she explained that she was a life learner and wanted to see what was going on. My daughter Autumn could speak for herself and did not feel inferior to the highly skilled professionals that were surrounding all of us each day while we lived in the hospital for over a week. These doctors, surgeons and nurses were people, and she did not think that she was not allowed to ask questions. She felt equal because as an unschooling family we believe and instill in our children a confidence to seek all answers and to question everything if we are not certain of the situation, regardless of who the persons age. (The photo used in this article is my daughters in the hospital with my brother)

I truly feel that if we as parents can live with our children, conscientious of their wishes, doubts, choices, fears and challenges, that so many wonderful other self discoveries will take place. Like pealing the skin off of an orange, there is so much inside each child that is good, loving, and natural. With our travels we have encountered so many different cultures, lifestyles, and challenges. By not participating in the public school system, we have allowed our children to live in the real world. We have not spoon fed our children the stories about college degrees and jobs. Our times have changed in regards to our educational choices and availabilities. It’s time to take back our children from the old methods of ‘schooling’. It’s time to be honest with our children and let them know that they do have other choices then the cookie cutter factory called school. That as a free thinking person they can decide on their own what they want to become when they grow up and not be dished out some recipe that a test dictates to be their special trait.

I would like to leave you with a couple of quotes from one of my favorite writers, John Taylor Gatto:

“I urge you to examine in your own mind the assumptions which must lay behind using the police power to insist that once-sovereign spirits have no choice but to submit to being schooled by strangers.”

“Boredom is the common condition of schoolteachers, and anyone who has spent time in a teachers’ lounge can vouch for the low energy, the whining, the dispirited attitudes, to be found there. When asked why they feel bored, the teachers tend to blame the kids, as you might expect.”

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Unfortunately, many people that do unschool receive a ton of negative support and criticism. How does one deal with such ridicule? Does this ignorance of the unschooling lifestyle affect your children and their daily communication with others? Can you politely and lovingly devoid yourself from having an uncomfortable oral discussion with a family member or a complete stranger in a shopping market? I believe you can, although it hasn’t always been easy for me or my children.

Recently my oldest daughter insisted that I read the Harry Potter series. Although I still have one book left in the seven book quest, I have found the story line to be challenging, exciting and very well written. I also, and maybe I’m reading into this a little too much, find some similarities with the Hogwarts school, and unschooling. Although Hogwarts is a school of wizadry, it is a place where the children love to learn and are indulging in topics that are of interest to them and their special gifts. The Harry Potter Series is acceptable reading material all over the world, the learning method is not.

So how does one handle the unschooling criticism debate?

I’ll be honest, my youngest daughter Chloe usually doesn’t tell people that she is an unschooler, she simply tells people that she is a homeschooler. She has gotten tired of explaining her philosophy and how she loves to learn about cats, dogs, pigs, chickens, ferrets, rats and the Holocaust. Her interest are her own and she loves learning about each of these topics. My oldest daughter Autumn, soon to be 18, usually does the same thing. Is it really worth it? She  seem to think so, as does Chloe. They are humorously bullied by their uncle, by their cousins, and teased sometimes out in public by complete strangers from not being in school. They both feel that loving themselves and being peaceful people is what is most important when dealing with these situations in the public world. My youngest daughter Chloe will occasionally express her anger to me privately, but we work through it, and usually resolve the problem in a calm conversation. Sometimes.

John Gatto expressed that unfortunately in the public school system, a good student obeys the orders of their instructor to be accepted and to receive a passing grade. A good student does their homework and does not debate with their teachers because their teacher is the smarter person and they know best. This old school method of learning is not humane in my opinion, and I do not agree with people who criticize my family, but I refuse to allow myself to become enraged by society’s ignorance and narrow mindedness.

Lovingly written by Kimberly Sharpe Slage

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The confinement of an institution is not learning, it is schooling and does not cater to the needs of a teen, but to the requirements of a system. Unschooling with your teen can be fun, rewarding and stress free!

What about socialization? It’s ironic that our society tends to equate a social life with the public school system. When in actuality a social life is one that is achieved by socializing in the real world. Have we not figured out yet that our children gain such a better understanding of the real life by living in it and not peering out at it from a school window? A parents involvement with their teen is very important for this experience to take place. Either by joining local homeschool groups, science clubs, the local YMCA or by volunteering in community services, your teen has many outlets to acquire a true social life.

Unschooling a teenager requires love, a huge amount of nurturing, and a lot of patience and trust. You, as the parent are there to listen and be a good role model. Through reliable resources, either through your local library or book store, Netflix or other DVD rental place, every topic your teen wants to learn about can be acquired either locally, online, and experienced at home.

Having a friendship and mature relationship with my teen and unschooled daughter Autumn has been one of the most important aspects of living an unschooling life. As a family we have learned to live together with a level of respect for one another. We have an open mouth policy and by this I mean that we can talk about everything and say anything that we feel necessary and know that we are not going to be judged. And yes, I mean anything!

Unschooling teenagers should not be something that stresses a parent or teen to the point of arguing. There are many support groups, homeschooling books, forums and blogs, like this one, that are out there to answer any questions or concerns that you may have regarding your teenager and the unschooling choice. By allowing your teen some personal space, along with a level of trust, the learning experience with your teen can be one filled with good times and great memories. I believe that your teen will one day be thankful for your peaceful guidance, your constant support and your unending love and trust.

Be well.

Written by Kimberly Sharpe Slage
Photo: Kimberly & Autumn

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I could probably take up pages on how the public schools affected my life negatively and mentally on a day to day basis and how I am now completely free of the unnecessary stress and control… but that’s a whole other article. Today, I’m here to explain to you my transition from being a full time Unschooler to starting College. Your probably thinking, wait. An Unschooler starting college? Thats crazy talk! Or, how did she manage to do that? Well hopefully all of your unanswered questions (and doubts) will be answered as you continue reading this article.

My first day of technical school was a little scary. I wasn’t sure what to expect or what to encounter. For all I knew, there could be evil teachers with rulers.. or students queued up in silent, straight lines. There wasn’t. Basically when I walk in everyday, there’s a big cafeteria with teens and adults chatting away. As I make my way to the elevators they have a security guard that asks to see your school badge. Then I finally take the elevator down to the basement were the 3D Animation room awaits me. My sanctuary!! Haha. I enjoy my class very much and am glad I decided to take it. I no longer have the fear that when I think of “learning”, in a place other than home, you are at school becoming a programmed robot. In reality, your learning everyday wether it’s the mistakes you make, or a simple trip to the library. Your minds constantly working and getting smarter as you grow older and wiser. Instinctively we want to learn. It’s how we are designed naturally.

Don’t get me wrong, I did have some road blocks along the way. One of the toughest things I had to accomplish before I could even start the class, was the TABE Level D. I was really anxious because I hadn’t taken a real “test” since 6th grade. I immediately raced over to Barnes and Noble the week before the test and picked up a copy of a book called TABE: Level D. I basically learned everything I needed to know for the test in a few days. Soon enough the day came. I was so nervous my hands were shaking. On top of that, I had to pay a $27.50 testing fee.. So I new I had to get this right the first time. I sat at the testing station for a good hour and a half. At the time I thought for sure I’d fail. Turns out, I was wrong on that…..I got all high scores. I was so proud, and felt as if a HUGE brick was lifted off my shoulders. It was wonderful!! I also had to have an interview with the instructor of the class. Not a problem either.

Starting college and being an Unschooler may be a little scary at first. Through your journey your confidence will grow and so will your knowledge. Both of mine increased tremendously. I enjoy what I’m doing and am looking forward to continuing a life full of doing what I love. I always like to say: “ Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” These words of Confucious are ones everyone should follow. Now please, go for your dreams and go with all your heart.

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*~~ Today is my birthday and I’m 45 years old. ~~*
I’ve always enjoyed gaining another year under my belt. Even the supposed hard ones, like turning 30 or 40, were welcomed with open arms. I wore each year proudly, almost like a badge of honor.

This is the first year that it’s difficult, but not because of the number 45. Difficult because it’s my first time having a birthday without my mother here with me. (Actually, it’s my first birthday without either of my parents, my father passed away 20 years ago).

Throughout my life, my mother I always had a very strong and close connection. She was my mother and my friend and I miss her so much. I always shared my birthday with her because it was “our” day. I always bought flowers for her on my birthday, as a thank you for having me. This year I’ll buy them and place them near her urn. I think that will make me feel better than not buying them at all.

I’ve learned some valuable life lessons so far and I look forward to learning more in the next 45 years.

45 things I’ve learned in the first 45 years of my life.

1. Time may heal most wounds, but not all.
2. Love is not always the answer
3. Life is what you make it.
4. Real friends come through for you when you need them the most.
5. The public school system in this country sucks and is getting worse every day.
6. Unschooling rocks!
7. Hurt people hurt others.
8. We are all connected
9. Religion can sometimes do more to separate people than bring them together.
10. Hard rock is best served LOUD.
11. Biology doesn’t make a family.
12. Chocolate does make things better
13. My mother was right when she said “This too shall pass”
14. People may try to hang their baggage on you…don’t let them.
15. When people come together, in the wake of a tragedy, it’s a beautiful thing to be part of. (RIP to all the souls killed on September 11, 2001)
16. Change is growth
17. Dogs are great friends
18. Don’t listen to the attendant – lift those hands up when you’re on a roller coaster!
19. Al Sharpton truly is a jackass.
20. There are times in our life when we just have to move on.
21. Always, always listen to your gut instinct.
22. Take responsibility for what you say
23. Take responsibility for your actions.
24. Sometimes revenge feels good
25. It’s a good idea to take a deep breathe before saying something you might regret
26. Some people come in to your life for a short time but you remember them forever.
27. Never gossip about someone in a public restroom.
28. Doctors do not always know what their talking about.
29. DCF/CPS/DSS does not always have the best interest of the child at heart.
30. Learning is everywhere
31. Being the white parent of two brown skinned children, I’ve found racism in places I wouldn’t expect.
32. I am a REAL parent. If you ask me where my kids real parents are, I’m going to slap you.
33. My kids are my REAL kids. If you ask me why I don’t have kids “of my own”, I’m going to slap you again.
34. People who say #32 and #33 are misinformed about adoption and have no idea what they’re talking about.
35. I’ve never been mainstream or traditional
36. I have met some really cool people through the internet.
37. I will never be a follower.
38. New York City is the best place on earth
39. My husband will always be a 16 year old at heart
40. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission (thanks Elenore Roosevelt)
41. Just because you’ve always done something a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s the right way
42. If I don’t write it down, I’ll forget it.
43. Animals deserve to be treated with respect
44. I feel at home in a book store
45. Life is short – make the most of it

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