Ever since our kids were born they have made their own sleep times. As babies I never tried to force them on to a infant sleep schedule. They ate when they were hungry and slept when they were tired. It’s very important to follow the natural rhythms that babies are born with. I believe it causes harm to make them sleep or wake up because of the time on the clock or for a parent’s convenience.

I couldn’t bear to put my baby in a crib in another room so we slept with all of our babies. When they were ready, usually when the next baby came, they would move into their own bed. With our first son we put a toddler bed in our room so when his brother was born we were all still in the same room.

As they grew and moved into their own beds and rooms we didn’t have set bedtimes. We had a loose routine to try and wind down and get ready for sleep. We didn’t make them go to their bed and stay there. They sometimes fell asleep on the couch and we would move them to their bed. When our third child was born she was running around until midnight most nights as a toddler. Over the years the kids started staying up later and later. Their times of sleeping and waking have varied over the years.

Some people think if you don’t make them go to bed and wake up they will never be able to get up or hold down a job. I believe this is false, it is based on fear. All of my kids have demonstrated the ability to get up early for something.

I on the other hand have had a hard time sleeping my whole life and do not do mornings. All of those years that I was in school, I was just exhausted and suffered from migraines. I was forced to get up even though I had just fallen to sleep. I believe it is pure torture to put a child away at a certain time and make them stay there. Why do we have to live on an 8-5 work/school/day, bed by 9pm, up at 6am? I believe that only a small percentage of the population actually thrives on that schedule.

When kids are small we can watch for cues, we can help them calm down. The truth is the child knows better than us that they are tired. Sometimes they get overtired and can’t sleep but I do believe that when they aren’t stifled by an imposed schedule that they can and do listen to their own body.

For example, my 11 year old daughter just went through a cycle where she was backwards, so to speak. She was up all night and sleeping all day, she got turned around and it took a few weeks for her to turn back around. During that time she grew a few inches. She listened to her body; she slept when she was tired, it just happened to be the opposite of the rest of us.

As unschoolers we have the freedom to listen to our bodies and sleep when we are tired. We aren’t forced to get up and go to an artificial environment all day.

“I can’t help noting that no cultures in the world that I have ever heard of make such a fuss about children’s bedtimes, and no cultures have so many adults who find it so hard either to go to sleep or wake up. Could these social facts be connected? I strongly suspect they are.” ~ John Holt

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In our desire as adults to lay hold of a child’s life, to grip it, mold it to our own values, we do unwittingly a great harm. We confront children with our own fears, our own lack of faith; to safeguard them we attempt to thrust between them and life those many false illusions which we have picked up in our own twisting, turning way.

Children take a far more advantageous highroad.

A free child is a happy child; and there is nothing more lovely.”

— Ruth Sawyer, in her acceptance speech upon winning the Newbery Award for Roller Skates, 1936

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Can a unschooler go to college?

Can a schooler go to college? Not all of them do. Not all of them can. Not all of them want to. I think it’s clearer to state that unschooling doesn’t get in the way of kids going to college. If they feel that college is a good way to explore their interests, there isn’t a reason they can’t go.

Is it difficult to learn to sit in a seat, or is one more adaptable when one needs after being allowed the freedom of unschooling?

I think it’s oh so common but oh so sad that people believe not only that we need to train for several years to sit through lectures but that the training is a good thing. I think it’s also sad that people believe that we learn discipline by sitting through things we don’t want to do. And that unless we’re trained through dullness that we won’t ever do something we don’t want to do to get to something we do want to do.

Be aware that you — and 99% of the people in the US — have no experience with people who have always had freedom from the time they were kids. You don’t know how people who’ve always had freedom behave. You only know how people who have been controlled act when given freedom. You only know how people who’ve been left to raise themselves act when given freedom.

It’s a wicked important realization. You can’t project what you know of human behavior onto kids who’ve always known freedom because you only know the behavior of controlled humans.

If you’ve spent 12 years learning that lectures and textbooks are dull and hard, then college looks like 4 more years of the same. If you’ve spent 12 years exploring all sorts of different ways to learn and college is a self-chosen way to continue exploring, then lectures and textbooks are just a part of the package.

My daughter has been taking college courses since she was 12 and hasn’t had any problems with the format. That doesn’t mean that everyone will have the same experience. Given freedom, unschoolers are free to come to the conclusion that lectures and textbooks don’t fit with their style of learning. (Schooled kids just end up thinking they’re dumb.)

I’m concerned my dd will not have the skill nor the aptitude unless she goes back into “school”. Any thoughts?

At 18 she will be different than a schooled kid. She will not have the academic knowledge crammed into her (and often blissfully forgotten!) that schooled kids have. What will help is to get over the idea that schooling is what colleges want or need. It’s what colleges are given to work with. Colleges mostly don’t have a choice. More than kids who’ve been cramming textbooks into their head for 12 years and haven’t had a chance to experience life to figure out what they want to do, colleges like older students who’ve been out in the workforce, who are clearly focused on where they want to go. Unschoolers can be like that. Unschoolers get to explore life and figure out where their skills lie. They go to college because that’s the way they want to explore their interests, not because it’s another hoop to jump through to get to the vague destination called “Success”.

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I’m aware of many conventional reasons…er…excuses…. Have you ever really thought about it?
I know that a lot of parents put limits on their children; it’s pretty typical in mainstream families because they rule and control everything. They use it as punishments and rewards.

Many unschoolers that I know of do not put artificial limits on their kids. I believe that if you do that you are greatly reducing their access to valuable resources. I’m not talking about sharing and taking turns, that’s real and something that needs to be worked out.

Our kids have always had freedom to use electronics.

I’ve heard parents say… My kid is addicted and if I let him he will play all day and never do anything else…Do you really believe that?  Have you actually tested that false theory? You probably have not. If you let go of the controls for a few days or even weeks I bet they would play every minute they could stand because they didn’t know when it would be taken away. Then you would panic and put the limits back on them again, so both of your fears would come true.
But…Your kids are different….Of course our kids are different, they aren’t controlled.

If you really let go of the reigns I’m sure they would play as much as they could but eventually they would see that you aren’t taking it away from them and they would feel safe in leaving it to do other things.

Our boys have been saving for an XBOX 360 since Christmas. They all put their money in and bought it last month along with several games. At first they played quite a bit but really not as much as I thought they would and they even took turns. Now they only play it once in awhile because they know it’s there whenever they want it.

Now technically they own it. We did not purchase this and have no claim to it. But honestly just because you purchase something for your kids it doesn’t give you the right to limit it and take it away at your whim. We own other game systems that we bought for the kids. We have never taken it away from them.

I really believe that setting up adversarial relationships with our children just causes stress, strife and rebellion. I believe in partnership parenting, parenting with our children, not at them or over them but beside them.

Video games are not evil, they aren’t the enemy, and TV isn’t brain sucking and mind numbing. Some people may use it that way but they weren’t unschoolers raised in a respectful environment. Computers are part of everyday life now. Information is at our fingertips. If you trust children to learn then why would you limit their access to the world?

Lately our youngest son has spent more time on the computer than ever before. He is working on creating video games and it takes time and it involves some frustration as well. After he’s been on awhile he gets up and runs laps through the house to expel the energy that builds up. Even though he is spending a lot of time on there now he does do other things and I believe it’s temporary. As all interests go he is invested in this right now and it’s important to him. I don’t want to take that away from him.

I help him out as needed, I’m here for him answering questions and watching all of the cool things he is creating.
I firmly believe that if these things are limited or used as a reward or punishment then there would be some sort of power given to them. As it is they hold no power and they are just another tool or resource, they are also a form of entertainment and learning.

Written by Stephanie Waldron

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She combed, leveled, measured, and designed the whole outcome in her head. She invisioned her ending with such enthusiasm that at one point we both giggled like teenagers together and practically drizzled our pants with gut wrenching laughter. We were bonding, we were living the rebelious world of unschooling to some, but experiencing a moment to remember. We were unschooling!  And it was magical.

Why is this situation, to some just down right absurd? How could someone allow their 17 year old daughter to cut and chop away at their hair? Because of trust, respect and love you say? Well, maybe. But in our reality, it is because my daughter wanted to try. She wanted to see if she could sculpture her creativity onto me. She is very talented, artistic, and always has been, so why the heck not? Unschooling…..That word again. The freedom to enjoy life together, to live the moment, not the future, but that precious existence together, in that second, while learning.

I’m not sure if my daughter Autumn will become a world famous hair artist. She draws well, paints enthusiastically with overwhelming results, that even she did not realize existed within her, until this past year. She is learning. Her 3D Animation classes still ongoing, her love for reading, writing, and believing in herself still growing and expanding. Her surmontous memories of her youthful teen years slowly passing, but through it all, she is remembering, she is smiling, and yes, she is unschooling.

My hair did not turn out too badly. She even colored it a beautiful shade of red. She herself wears her hair in a short pixie cut, so why couldn’t mom? I must admit, my hair has never been this short since exiting my mother’s womb, but it is what it is. A haircut from hell, a memory for me, and memory for her, a time of sheer laughter together and a day not forgot. The haircut isn’t just a haircut, it is a experience, a learning time, an adventure, outrageous to some, but never a regret, an unschooling magical moment to share. It will grow.

Be well, enjoy the second, cherish in the moment, and never regret your life lessons. We are real, we are here, we are unschoolers even if some do not support our methods, our beliefs, we do, and that is all that matters.

Laugh!

Written with love, by Kimberly Sharpe Slage

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My family has been unschooling for 10 years now, since our oldest was 6. We live our lives without school, we don’t separate life into subjects. Everything is connected, one thing leads to another, and connections are constantly being made in our brains.

We are learning beings, it is inherent in us to keep on learning.

Our kids wake up each day and decide what they want to do, I’m not sure if it’s really a decision or just following a natural flow of things. We have lots of choices since our lives are not tightly scheduled.

Some advantages of unschooling are:

-Freedom to learn what, how and when you want.
-Freedom to eat when hungry, sleep when tired, use the bathroom as needed without permission.
-Freedom from being graded and tested.
-Freedom to be who you are, to figure out who you are, your likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, interests, style, hobbies etc. without being forced to conform.
-Having control over your own mind and body.
-Real, natural learning.
-Learning in your own way and time.
-Not having to conform to school standards.
-Closer family.
-Freedom from school schedules and constraints.
-Living and learning in the real world, real life, not an artificial environment such as school.

One of the important things to remember is that each child has their own unique timetable and their own way of learning. I believe that unschooling fosters and encourages the individual and does away with averages and milestones and timeframes that someone else has set as a standard of achievement. I am their mother, I nurture them, I love them, I listen to them, I observe them, I talk to them, I spend time with them, I play with them, I respect them, I give them time, space and freedom. I also facilitate and by that I mean answer questions, look things up, provide resources, take them places, offer suggestions, ideas and pretty much just help them figure out their world. I love being with my kids and sharing their lives with them. We learn so much from each other.

They are interesting, curious, inquisitive people. We talk about everything under the sun. We all have different personalities and bring something unique to the table and generally have a good time with each other. We take each new day as it comes, learning is happening all of the time, and it’s inevitable.

The unschooling life is a wonderful way to live with your children. We are our children’s partners in life. We have been building the foundation of trust and respect for 16 years. We learn about the world by living in it. We follow our interests wherever they may lead. We are happy, whole people just living our lives as if school didn’t exist.

“There is no difference between living and learning… it is impossible and misleading and harmful to think of them as being separate.” ~ John Holt

Written in joy by Stephanie Waldron

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If that sounds like you and your family, an unschooling conference might be just what you need and this is the season for it. There are several in the upcoming months. Some are big gatherings with a full schedule of speakers, panels, funshops, and more; others are smaller, casual and more free-flowing. Sometimes, there’s a talent show, and maybe a dance or concert. Reading at conference websites can help you to learn a bit about the personality of each one and how it might fit your family’s interests and style. Often, too, there are yahoo groups or facebooks pages for a conference, which can give you an opportunity to ask questions of people who have attended that conference.

We had a lot of fun at the two conferences we’ve attended. There was a funshop where the boys built rainmakers (cardboard tubes with beans inside to make a sound like falling rain) which I still find around the house every so often. I attended a funshop where we learned to paint with henna. I shopped handmade crafts from kids at the entrepreneurial tables. I listened to several talks from unschooling Moms, heard from a panel of Dads sharing their take on unschooling, participated in a round-table discussion about peaceful parenting, and heard a panel of teenagers answer questions about what unschooling means to them. In addition to the scheduled activities there were spontaneous conversations, happy reunions, hugs, laughter, and happy children everywhere it seemed. The talent shows are always fun; everything from simple jokes told by kids to some amazing singing or dancing performances.

We have plans to attend a conference later this year. Now that our boys are older (10 & 15 by then) they’re anticipating spending their days either in the gaming room or swimming, and are looking forward to making new friends they can keep up with online, as well as seeing old friends who live in other parts of the country. I’m looking forward to catching up with friends I talk to online regularly but haven’t seen in person in some time.

Here’s a quick listing of some unschooling conferences. With each, I’ve included the opening paragraph from the conference website, and an online address for more info.

Unschoolers’ Waterpark Gathering:
Our UWG gatherings are for unschooling families around the country to simply have fun, relax and share time with other unschoolers – ie. families homeschooling in a non-traditional, child-led, interest based, life learning approach. Those new or looking into unschooling are welcomed to come with the understanding they have researched unschooling, come with an open mind and are respectful to those at various stages of unschooling. More info at http://ugoevent.com

LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference:
The LIFE is Good Conference invites you to join us and experience an unschooling community first hand. You’ll have an opportunity to make new friends, deepen existing friendships, form connections and find the piece that just may be missing from your unschooling journey– a strong, supportive and vibrant group of families to share it with. More info at http://lifeisgoodconference.com

Northeast Unschooling Conference:
It’s hard to explain what the Northeast Unschooling Conference is like. There’s joy and there’s chaos, laughter and tears, lots of silliness, hugs all over the place, play, learning, fun, and struggle. There are wise speakers and explorers all over the place. There are fun things to do. There are unschooled teens and young adults who will take your breath away. More info at http://www.northeastunschoolingconference.com

Rethinking Everything, :
- your freedom to set the course for your own life
- supporting you in creating a freedom-based life for your children & teens
- gentle & profoundly respectful parenting
- unschooling & self design
- eliminating psychological roadblocks to self-empowerment
- real history & experiential learning
- entrepreneuring
- strategies for vibrant, alive wellness
- spiritual oneness & the law of attraction
- enlightened aging & empowered dying
More info at http://www.rethinkingeverything.net

Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference:
For four full days, we’ll inspire, discuss, play and spread lots of bubbly energy as only unschoolers can. As an inclusive conference children will be embraced and welcomed at every event. Friendships will be created or deepened. Questions will be answered In Real Life. Families will be strengthened. You will feel renewed. This is an opportunity to enrich your unschooling journey: get new ideas, stretch your mind, enjoy your family and friends. Leave invigorated and whole and maybe a little sandy! More info at http://goodvibrationsconference.com

Toronto Unschooling Conference:
At the Toronto Unschooling Conference I strive to create a rich and stimulating environment where you can learn about unschooling in depth. Since it’s inception in 2006, TUC has brought together wonderful unschooling families to enjoy a fantastic weekend each year. All the speakers are unschoolers. The talks are followed by group discussions, where everyone is free to share and question. The combination of talk followed by discussion creates a terrific learning environment for the participants. The talks engage and challenge them with unschooling ideas, churning up thoughts and questions which are then addressed and expanded upon in the open discussion. Whether your family is considering a move to unschooling, has begun this amazing journey and is discovering just how all-encompassing it can be, or has years of experience, you will learn something new, understand an idea more deeply, and come away more inspired to live the unschooling lifestyle with your family each day. More info at http://www.livingjoyfully.ca/conference

ARGH
Secular in nature, ARGH (Autodidactic Radical Gathering of Homeschoolers) is a gathering by and for unschoolers of all ages which takes place in beautiful Roan Mountain, TN. This organic event relies on the participants to create the activities, making every event completely unique. Connecting with others interested in unschooling and the whole-wide-world helps build community, enrich our learning experiences, develops new friendships and encourages a lot of FUN! More info at https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=219190288092562

Life Rocks Unschooling Conference
We are on the cusp of change. Children are finally being recognized as the whole, perfect people that they are. Tides are turning, and a new chapter in humanity is beginning.
This is a very exciting time to be alive! Join us and be part of the Revolution!
More info at http://www.liferocksconference.com/#1

Always Learning Live Unschoolers Symposium
Sandra Dodd is hosting this gathering. Time to wind down slowly, and clarify, to laugh and to smile is missing from big conferences. Here, those things are scheduled. After many years of attending and presenting at conferences, I’ve heard many times that someone came just to hear me, or just to hear the unschooling speakers. At least half the time, too, the room I’m assigned is busy until just before time, and we have to get out quickly, or parents have to leave to get their children. We will have two three adjoining rooms—one for toys and play, one for gaming tables and games, and one for the presentations and meetings. Down the hall is one more smaller room that can be used for noisier games, perhaps. More info at http://alwayslearninglive.blogspot.com/

Australian Unschooling Conference
Who is this retreat for?
Attachment parents who are interested in extending this philosophy into the older years
Families with children in school who are looking at other options of education
Homeschooling and Steiner/Waldorf families who would like to explore natural learning/unschooling/ whole life unschooling
Unschoolers wishing to extend this philosophy to other areas of their life
Any style of homeschoolers/families considering homeschooling who wish to network and hang out with other like-minded families
Everyone who attended the 2010 Unschooling Conference
More info at http://www.unschoolingretreat.com/

Unschool Adventures
Unschool Adventures designs and leads multi-week international adventures and domestic leadership programs for teenage unschoolers. Our international adventures are lightly structured and exploratory, while our leadership programs are more structured and build specific skill sets. All of our trips share the mission of fostering independence and self-knowledge in self-directed teens.
More info at http://www.unschooladventures.com/

Unschoolers’ Camps
In addition to unschoolers’ conferences there are also summer camps for unschoolers. Not Back To School Camp has two sessions each in Oregon and in Vermont. East Tennessee Unschooled Summer Camp will be held this Aug 14-21 in Buffalo Mountain, Tenn. If your child is interested in a camp experience, you might want to explore these opportunities.

Not Back to School Camp:
The NBTSC aspires to create a sanctuary that affirms, inspires, and mentors unschoolers…where campers and staff transform spiritually, emotionally, physically, creatively, intellectually…where profound friendships begin and grow…and where adventure, mystery, music, wild spontaneous fun, and magic prevail. More info at http://www.nbtsc.org/home.htm

East Tennessee Unschooled Summer Camp:
ETUSC is a 7 night summer camp for approximately 80 unschoolers ages 13-18. There will be many activities, camper run workshops, jam sessions, bonfires, swimming, kayaking, zipline and climbing tower, mentoring, dancing, and much more. More info at http://www.etusc.com

2011 Schedule
Unschoolers’ Waterpark Gathering. May 16-20, 2011. Sandusky, Ohio.
LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference. May 26-29, 2011. Vancouver, Washington.
Northeast Unschooling Conference. August 25-28, 2011. Wakefield, Massachusetts.
Rethinking Everything. September 2-5, 2011. Dallas, Texas
Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference. September 8-11, 2011. San Diego, California
Toronto Unschooling Conference, Friday, September 9-11, 2011, Ecology Retreat Centre, Ontario
East Tennessee Unschooled Summer Camp. Aug 14-21, 2011. Buffalo Mountain, Tenn.
ARGH, Oct 30 – Nov 2, Roan Mt, TN This gathering is held twice a year, with another date in April 2012.
NBTSC. August 12-19 Camp Latgawa, Eagle Point, Oregon – August 23-September 6
Camp Myrtlewood, Bridge, Oregon – September 19-26 or September 30-October 7
Farm and Wilderness Tamarack Farm Camp, Plymouth, Vermont
Always Learning Live Unschoolers Symposium. Dec 28-Jan 1 – Albuquerque, NM
Australian Unschooling Conference 2011, Friday, Oct 28th – Tuesday, Nov 1st 2011 in Queensland, Australia

Written by Sylvia Toyama

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“What things have you found yourself explaining to others that unschooling is NOT? What commonly accepted notions does unschooling preclude or expose as nonsense?”

Here are some of the many answers that were posted;

It’s not school.
It’s not school-at-home.
It’s not “unit studies” because it’s not “studies.”
It’s not child neglect.
It’s not child-led curriculum.

It’s not “project-based” learning.
It’s not a method of schooling
It’s not leaving the child to figure out everything on their own.
It’s not required math and reading and “unschooling” everything else.

It’s not a cult.
It’s not a fad.
It’s not hiding your kids from the real world.
It’s not something you *do* Monday-Friday.
It’s not something you take a break from during the summer.
It’s not about curriculum or child-led learning, or unit studies, or expectations.

It’s not about changing my children, it’s about changing me.
It’s not about controlling.
It’s not about expectations.
It’s not living someone else’s idea of life.
It’s not traveling a previosly trodden path.

It’s not conforming to the ways and why’s of what everyone else is doing, how they are living.
It’s living an authentic life according to your own unique Spirit.
It’s not for everybody – meaning those that can’t understand it.
It’s not ‘easy’.
It’s not parents sheltering or controlling kids

It’s not denying children normal experiences
It’s not making learning happen.
It’s not school, but it’s learning.
It’s not easy, but it’s fun.
It’s not about “deciding what’s best” for our kids, but pursuing the best of life *with* our kids.

It’s not designing your children’s life based on your own ideal.
It’s not living by someone else’s standards, values and timetables.
Unschooling is not a twelve-year program that I have completed. It is a way of life. I didn’t merely do unschooling; I was and am an unschooler.
It’s not “making learning fun!”
It isn’t turning every event into a “lesson” – sometimes mud pies are just mud pies.
Unschooling isn’t failing my children.

Note: The conversation also included what unschooling IS and other members sharing their thoughts:

To me unschooling is the FREEDOM to live at PEACE, JOYfully, because you know, “Everything counts.” I love being able to bless my children with that knowledge, by confirming the value of their feelings, their thoughts, their accomplishments… their value of just being.

Unschooling is a child not having to choose to become something or someone . . . he/she already is exactly who they are. In order to do this, the adults in his/her life have to live consciously in order not to make that child feel they are “supposed to” live up to something or “be” a certain way or “do” a certain thing in order to be “acceptable”. It is exploring this world together, and enjoying the discoveries, and honoring how those discoveries shape how you think and feel. It is experiencing life’s opportunities, and sharing insights with each other on how those experiences stretch your understanding in becoming more aware of the divine nature within us all. It is providing opportunities to reach, to learn, to understand, to ponder, to reflect, to grow into the greatness we each possess within ourselves, for ourselves, whatever that may be.

Very powerful, wonderful and amazing to someone like me to finally realize that, as I stand on this threshold, with my children that I am not alone with these thoughts and that I CAN choose this path for my family. Quite a revelation!

Unschooling is expecting the unexpected. i.e. Set out 3-D house puzzles with some mini cars and Marble works all on the same table last night thinking 4yo nephew and 11yo dd would see them and go to town. Caught the 13yo happily playing with the goodies for two hours today! Then bil came in and made a beeline for the mini cars. Thought he was going to make off with a few! Fun, fun, fun.

It’s having respect for each other and It’s retracing ourselves and showing that respect in every action we take.
It’s living a rich and happy life.
It’s hearing your heart and creating your life accordingly!
It’s keeping yourSelf (children and adults) intact and Whole.
Unschooling is authentic.

It’s finding one’s own path
It’s allowing a child’s identity to unfold naturally
It’s about family.
It’s about living in the moment.
It’s about becoming.
It’s about joyful and honest relationships with those around you.
It’s about knowing yourself.
It’s about getting to know your children.

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50 Ways to Bring Out Your Child’s Best
Written by Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D.

1. Let your child discover her own interests. Pay attention the activities she chooses. This free-time play can say a lot about where her gifts lie.

2. Expose your child to a broad spectrum of experiences. They may activate latent talents. Don’t assume that he isn’t gifted in an area because he hasn’t shown an interest.

3. Give your child permission to make mistakes. If she has to do things perfectly, she’ll never take the risks necessary to discover and develop a gift.

4. Ask questions. Help your child open up to he wonders of the world by asking intriguing questions: Why is the sky blue? Find the answers together.

5. Plan special family projects. Shared creativity can awaken and develop new talents.

6. Don’t pressure your child to learn. If children are sent to special lessons every day in the hope of developing their gifts, they may become too stressed or exhausted to shine. Encourage, but don’t push.

7. Have high expectations. But make them realistic.

8. Share your work life. Expose your child to images of success by taking him to work. Let him see you engaged in meaningful activities and allow him to become involved.

9. Provide a sensory-rich environment. Have materials around the home that will stimulate the senses: finger paints, percussion instruments, and puppets.

10. Keep your own passion for learning alive. Your child will be influenced by your example.

11. Don’t limit your child with labels. They may saddle her with a reputation that doesn’t match her inner gifts.

12. Play games together as a family.

13. Have a regular family time for reading, listening to music, talking.

14. Have reference materials available to give your child access to the world.

15. Allow your child to participate in community activities that interest her.

16. Use humor, jokes, silly stories to encourage creativity.

17. Don’t criticize or judge the things your child does. He may give up on his talents if he feels evaluated.

18. Play with your child to show your own sense of playfulness.

19. Share your successes as a family. Talk about good things that happened during the day to enhance self-esteem.

20. Provide your child with access to a home, school or public library computer.

21. Listen to your child. The things he cares about most may provide clues to his special talents.

22. Give your child a special space at home to be creative.

23. Praise your child’s sense of responsibility at home when she completes assigned chores.

24. Visit new places as a family.

25. Give your child open-ended playthings. Toys like blocks and puppets encourage imaginative play.

26. Give your child unstructured time to simply daydream and wonder.

27. Share inspirational stories of people who succeeded in life.

28. Don’t bribe your child with rewards. Using incentives to get children to perform sends a message that learning is not rewarding in its own right

29. Suggest that your child join peer groups that focus on her gifts.

30. Discuss the news to spark interests.

31. Discourage gender bias. Expose your child to both feminine and masculine toys and activities.

32. Avoid comparing your child to others. Help your child compare himself to his own past performance.

33. Be an authoritative parent.

34. Use community events and institutions to activate interests. Take trips to the library, museums, concerts, plays.

35. Give presents that nourish your child’s strengths.

36. Encourage your child to think about her future. Support her visions without directing her into any specific field.

37. Introduce your child to interesting and capable people.

38. Think of your home as a learning place. The kitchen is great for teaching math and science through cooking.

39. Share feelings. A child’s gifts can be stifled by repressed emotions.

40. Encourage your child to read.

41. Honor your child’s creations.

42. Do things with your child in his areas of interest.

43. Teach your child to trust her intuition and believe in her capabilities.

44. Give your child choices. It builds willpower and fuels initiative.

45. Show your child how to use books to further an interest. For example, “how to” books for the “hands-on” learner.

46. Set aside an area of the house for displaying creations and awards.

47. Encourage your child to tackle areas that are difficult for him. Help him learn to confront any limitations.

48. Be a liaison between your child’s special talents and the real world. Help her find outlets for her talents.

49. Introduce children’s literature that honors and develops gifts. Books like the Little Engine That could encourage a “can do” attitude.

50. Accept your child as he or she is.

Originally posted 1/2009

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Anyone who has spent any time at all exploring unschooling, likely knows there’s a variety of ways people define unschooling. The labels vary, depending on how far from mainstream methods a family has moved. Unschooling runs the gamut, from those who simply choose to let go of curriculum but keep more mainstream parenting methods, like bedtimes, chores, screen-time or content controls, all the way to people who have let go of all the traditional controls we’ve been told we must enforce to be responsible parents.

I’ve seen labels ranging from ‘academic unschooler’ to ‘radical unschoolers’ and, recently, even ‘rabid unschoolers‘ pop up in conversations about unschooling choices. My husband, Gary, has never liked the label radical unschooling, because for him the word radical connotes extremism, and he doesn’t feel we’re really extreme. When I use the word radical, I find myself feeling defensive about trying to explain why I’d want to be thought of as radical. So, over the years we’ve been unschooling I’ve looked for a phrase that better describes the way we live.

Although I’d prefer not to need a label for our methods, it seems we need some kind of phrase to explain it to those who ask. In recent months, I’ve begun to think of us as whole life unschoolers. I find it much more descriptive of who we are. What do I mean when I say we are whole life unschoolers? We don’t use a curriculum, have set bedtimes for our sons or assign chores. Our kids watch whatever they choose on tv, play video games of their choosing as often as they want, play whatever in-person games they wish, don’t have a curfew, eat what they want when they’re hungry.

What is it we DO? We trust, because we believe that it’s simply not possible to live even one day without learning something, that we will all learn all we need to live the life we want. Just as we trusted, and have seen happen, that our children would learn to read simply by living in a home where reading was natural and joyful, we know that they can also learn to sleep when their bodies need rest, to eat the foods their bodies need. Our boys learn how to be in relationship with others by sharing their lives with others, both in our home and in the larger world outside of it; we are their facilitators in finding their way, wherever we go. We answer questions on topics ranging from history, religion, health, science, nature, math and more. Sometimes the answer is “I don’t know. Let’s find out.” which leads to searching for answers, meandering conversations and sometimes unexpected discoveries. We also share our outlook on the world, and strive to provide good examples in the way we treat other people, including children.

It hasn’t always been this way. There was a time when we had limits and controls. We enforced bedtimes to fit our oldest son’s school schedule. When he was young I tried to force the ‘right’ diet, I limited tv shows (no Simpsons!); I even assigned chores. At the time I felt I had no choice but to listen to those around me, telling me what I ‘must’ do, even though in my heart I could see that it wasn’t working for us. It wasn’t just that those methods didn’t work for our children, they didn’t work for us as parents either. Imposed limits and demands make people unhappy, so of course, the same limits and demands make children unhappy. Being controlled certainly didn’t add to their happiness, and I wanted happy children. I was heartbroken at what that did to our relationship with our kids. Not only that, it made me ask why I was treating them this way, especially since I wasn’t convinced it was necessary to limit and control them.

When I found unschooling, I also found parents who had managed to create the family life I wanted; parents who weren’t frustrated by trying to control their children. They had happy children, who were kind and capable, and they had this without fighting or punishment. As I started to let go of my fears about how our boys would turn out if I ‘broke the rules’ I found we were all happier. And happier is good.

In our culture, there’s a pervasive belief that happiness will be ours someday. We grow up being told that someday we’ll be happy, when we’re adults it will be ‘our turn’ to have things our way. Why wait for that elusive someday? Why not be happy today? How can we help our children be happy today? Is it fair or loving to tell children they must wait for their turn to be happy? Why wouldn’t a parent want their child to be happy; to feel, to know deep in his soul, that he’s loved and celebrated and supported and completely free to revel in what brings him joy?

When I’m asked “Why whole-life unschooling?” my answer is because, ultimately, we can’t imagine any other way of living. It’s only natural when something brings as much joy, freedom and wonder as unschooling does, that we would want to extend that to all areas of our life.

Written by Sylvia Toyama

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