An Unschooling Life » Musings On Life

45 Things I’ve Learned in 45 Years

Joanne — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 09:19:00 +0000

** This was written two years ago (2008) on my 45th birthday. My 47th birthday is approaching in two weeks and I wanted to revisit this while I continue to update my blog posts after my move from blogger.com.**

*~~ Today is my birthday and I’m 45 years old. ~~*
I’ve always enjoyed gaining another year under my belt. Even the supposed hard ones, like turning 30 or 40, were welcomed with open arms. I wore each year proudly, almost like a badge of honor.

This is the first year that it’s difficult, but not because of the number 45. Difficult because it’s my first time having a birthday without my mother here with me. (Actually, it’s my first birthday without either of my parents, my father passed away 20 years ago).

Throughout my life, my mother I always had a very strong and close connection. She was my mother and my friend and I miss her so much. I always shared my birthday with her because it was “our” day. I always bought flowers for her on my birthday, as a thank you for having me. This year I’ll buy them and place them near her urn. I think that will make me feel better than not buying them at all.

I’ve learned some valuable life lessons so far and I look forward to learning more in the next 45 years.

45 things I’ve learned in the first 45 years of my life.

1. Time may heal most wounds, but not all.
2. Love is not always the answer
3. Life is what you make it.
4. Real friends come through for you when you need them the most.
5. The public school system in this country sucks and is getting worse every day.
6. Unschooling rocks!
7. Hurt people hurt others.
8. We are all connected
9. Religion can sometimes do more to separate people than bring them together.
10. Hard rock is best served LOUD.
11. Biology doesn’t make a family.
12. Chocolate does make things better
13. My mother was right when she said “This too shall pass”
14. People may try to hang their baggage on you…don’t let them.
15. When people come together, in the wake of a tragedy, it’s a beautiful thing to be part of. (RIP to all the souls killed on September 11, 2001)
16. Change is growth
17. Dogs are great friends
18. Don’t listen to the attendant – lift those hands up when you’re on a roller coaster!
19. Al Sharpton truly is a jackass.
20. There are times in our life when we just have to move on.
21. Always, always listen to your gut instinct.
22. Take responsibility for what you say
23. Take responsibility for your actions.
24. Sometimes revenge feels good
25. It’s a good idea to take a deep breathe before saying something you might regret
26. Some people come in to your life for a short time but you remember them forever.
27. Never gossip about someone in a public restroom.
28. Doctors do not always know what their talking about.
29. DCF/CPS/DSS does not always have the best interest of the child at heart.
30. Learning is everywhere
31. Being the white parent of two brown skinned children, I’ve found racism in places I wouldn’t expect.
32. I am a REAL parent. If you ask me where my kids real parents are, I’m going to slap you.
33. My kids are my REAL kids. If you ask me why I don’t have kids “of my own”, I’m going to slap you again.
34. People who say #32 and #33 are misinformed about adoption and have no idea what they’re talking about.
35. I’ve never been mainstream or traditional
36. I have met some really cool people through the internet.
37. I will never be a follower.
38. New York City is the best place on earth
39. My husband will always be a 16 year old at heart
40. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission (thanks Elenore Roosevelt)
41. Just because you’ve always done something a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s the right way
42. If I don’t write it down, I’ll forget it.
43. Animals deserve to be treated with respect
44. I feel at home in a book store
45. Life is short – make the most of it

Tags: Children, joy, learning, life, parents, public school system, unschool, unschooling

Be Content Where You Are

Joanne — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 23:20:00 +0000

I snapped this picture of TJ (one of our dogs) and Buddie (our iguana), each wanting to be where the other one was. It made me laugh watching them look at each other through the glass, but it also made me think about being content with where I am in my life.

For me, being content with my life doesn’t mean I don’t strive to better myself or my situation. It means that even though there are things I’m working towards changing, my happiness doesn’t depend on it.

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”
– Socrates

Peaceful Simplicity: How to Live a Life of Contentment
by Leo Babauta

In our daily lives, we often rush through tasks, trying to get them done, trying to finish as much as we can each day, speeding along in our cars to our next destination, rushing to do what we need to do there, and then leaving so that we can speed to our next destination.

Unfortunately, it’s often not until we get to our final destination that we realize what madness this all is.
At the end of the day, we’re often exhausted and stressed out from the grind and the chaos and the busy-ness of the day. We don’t have time for what’s important to us, for what we really want to be doing, for spending time with loved ones, for doing things we’re passionate about.

And yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to live a simpler life, one where you enjoy each activity, where you are present in everything (or most things) you do, where you are content rather than rushing to finish things. If that appeals to you, let’s take a look at some suggestions for living a simple, peaceful, content life:

What’s important. First, take a step back and think about what’s important to you. What do you really want to be doing, who do you want to spend your time with, what do you want to accomplish with your work? Make a short list of 4-5 things for your life, 4-5 people you want to spend time with, 4-5 things you’d like to accomplish at work.

Examine your commitments. A big part of the problem is that our lives are way too full. We can’t possibly do everything we have committed to doing, and we certainly can’t enjoy it if we’re trying to do everything. Accept that you can’t do everything, know that you want to do what’s important to you, and try to eliminate the commitments that aren’t as important.

Do less each day. Don’t fill your day up with things to do. You will end up rushing to do them all. If you normally try (and fail) to do 7-10 things, do 3 important ones instead (with 3 more smaller items to do if you get those three done). This will give you time to do what you need to do, and not rush.

Leave space between tasks or appointments. Another mistake is trying to schedule things back-to-back. This leaves no cushion in case things take longer than we planned (which they always do), and it also gives us a feeling of being rushed and stressed throughout the day. Instead, leave a good-sized gap between your appointments or tasks, allowing you to focus more on each one, and have a transition time between them.

Eliminate as much as possible from your to-do list. You can’t do everything on your to-do list. Even if you could, more things will come up. As much as you can, simplify your to-do list down to the essentials. This allows you to rush less and focus more on what’s important.

Now, slow down and enjoy every task. This is the most important tip in this article. Read it twice. Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a work task or taking a shower or brushing your teeth or cooking dinner or driving to work, slow down.

Try to enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention, instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. This isn’t easy, as you will often forget. But find a way to remind yourself. Unless the task involves actual pain, there isn’t anything that can’t be enjoyable if you give it the proper attention.

Single-task. This is kind of a mantra of mine, as I talk about how to single-task all the time. But it’s an important point for me, and for this article. Do one thing at a time, and do it well.

Drive slower. Another application of the same principle, driving is something we do that’s often mindless and rushed. Instead, slow down and enjoy the journey.

Eliminate stress. Find the stressors in your life, and find ways to eliminate them.

Create time for solitude. In addition to slowing down and enjoying the tasks we do, and doing less of them, it’s also important to just have some time to yourself.

Sprinkle simple pleasures throughout your day. Knowing what your simple pleasures are, and putting a few of them in each day, can go a long way to making life more enjoyable.

Practice being present. You can practice being in the moment at any time during the day.

Tags: contentment, happiness, joy, life, simplicity

A New Beginning

Joanne — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 06:16:00 +0000

Begin

Today is the day to begin.

This new year is a blank canvas upon which you have the delightful opportunity to paint. As you do, be authentic. Your greatest accomplishments are the ones that contain the greatest quantity of you.

Be innovative and creative. The challenges you face will melt away when you apply fresh, original thinking to them.

Remember not to take yourself too seriously. You’ll climb much higher when you’re thoroughly enjoying the effort.

As you move forward, do so with genuine and persistent integrity. That way, the results you create will be results that are actually worth attaining.

Today you stand at the beginning of a grand adventure, with the very real and present opportunity to shape this year into the best one ever. Begin now, take the initiative, and never stop living life according to who you know you are.

– Ralph Marston Daily Motivator

Wanting/Not Wanting This Year To End

Joanne — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 22:45:00 +0000

I’m usually an optimistic person.
I get that from my mother.

But 2007 really kicked me in the ass.

Hard.

This year, for the first time ever, I have mixed feelings about starting a new year. Usually I look forward to new beginnings, be it a new day or a new year.

So many stressfull and painful events happened to my family & I this year and to 2007 I say, Good Riddance! You’re like an annoying guest who over stays their welcome.

But stronger than that is the part of not wanting it to be over. Not wanting a new year to start. Not wanting it to start without that incredible force that’s been with me since my start. Like how I felt when summer turned into autumn without her, I don’t want a new year to start without her here. It’s like being forced to leave her behind.
She was part of 2007.
She will not be part of 2008.

Billy tells me she’s here…with us…her spirit, her presence…in out hearts and in our home. Most times I believe him…he sounds so comforting that I want to believe it.

I remember one particular New Years Eve…it was the end of 2001, going into 2002. So much death that year…close family members… friends…neighbors. All that pain…still so fresh and raw. Billy, myself, my mother and Aunt Mary drove to Atlantic City to ring in the New Year. We were okay until we got to the end of the countdown.

3…2…1…tears. The four of us hugged and cried. It was so moving and powerful I can still remember standing there…with hundreds of other people around us, thick in the craziness that is Atlantic City and feeling so connected to these three other people. We cried because a new year had just started without people that we loved.

And then we got shitfaced and gambled.

*Happy New Year Mommy*

Thanksgiving as a Vegetarian

Joanne — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 20:02:00 +0000

Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. Always has been. Party because I don’t care for all the traditional “fall” foods. Seriously, there is nothing appealing to me at a Thanksgiving dinner. Also, as a long time vegetarian, any holiday that centers around killing an animal is not my idea of a celebration.

So on this Thanksgiving, I offer my condolences to all the turkey families out there who lost a loved one and I offer a funny for the day. (hee-hee)

More Funny Pictures at pYzam.com

Holiday Grieving

Joanne — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 05:07:00 +0000

Grief is such a weird rollercoaster. It brings many unexpected emotions to the surface, and even more unexpected are the ways that we deal with those emotions.

This is my first holiday without my mother here.

I hate it.

After thinking about it for a while, I decided that the only way I would be able to get through the day in one piece, would be to do something that I never did with her. I feel like if I do something that is familiar and has memories attached to her, it will make her missing presence to overwhelming for me to handle.

After thinking about it, I decided to take my family out to eat. It’s something we’ve never done for a holiday. It’ll be me, Billy, Shawna, Jacqueline, Cimion, plus my Aunt Mary (my mom’s older sister) and our cousin Maryann and her son Paulie.

I think getting through this will be a walk in the park compared to Christmas.

*sigh*

I’m finding some comfort in doing symbolic things and finding ways to honor her, since she passed away in July. When we went back home to NYC to have a memorial service for my mother, I wanted to leave some of her ashes at my fathers grave. Billy did the honors but I found it easier to watch through the lens of my camera.

My fathers name was Frank (Francesco) and he died 20 years ago this past June. Although we had a rough relationship during my adult years, I have very good memories of my childhood.

Then we went to the grave of her second husband Tony (Antonio) and also left some of her ashes. Tony was an awesome man and Billy & I loved him very much. He passed away September 26, 2001, on their second wedding anniversary.

Last, we went to visit my grandparents grave (Marco & Maggie) and leave some of her there also. My grandfather died a while ago but my grandmother passed away five years ago at the age of 92. She was a fiesty and spirited woman who left her mark on all of us. My uncles Anthony and Rosario are also buried here.

Even though it was a long day, doing all of this made me feel good.

So…now it’s Thanksgiving. My first without being someone’s daughter. Yes, grief is weird.

Happy Thanksgiving Mommy.

I’m grateful I was able to spend 43 of them with you.

Learning the A-B-C’s

Joanne — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 14:06:00 +0000

Accept differences.
Be kind.
Count your blessings.
Dream.
Express thanks.
Forgive.
Give freely.
Harm no one.
Imagine more.
Jettison anger.
Keep confidences.
Love truly.
Master something.
Nurture hope.
Open your mind.
Pack lightly.
Quell rumors.
Reciprocate.
Seek wisdom.
Touch hearts.
Understand.
Value truth.
Win graciously.
Xeriscape.
Yearn for peace.
Zealously support a worthy cause.

Buddhism

Joanne — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 16:11:00 +0000

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Buddhist Saying

I’ve been interested in Buddhism for a little while now. I’m not a fan of organized religion and the fact that Buddhism is not a religion in the tradional sense of the word, appeals to me.

I was raised and baptised Roman Catholic, as was my husband. Although I wouldn’t ever formally change my religion (because I feel like it’s as much a part of me as being female or caucasian), I don’t follow it or attend church.

I’ve identified myself as agnostic for all of my adult life, but in looking for something more spiritual over the last years, my path has taken me to learn more about Buddhism.

Copied from an online source:

What is Buddhism?
Buddhism is a path of practice and spiritual development leading to insight into the true nature of life. Buddhist practices such as meditation are means of changing oneself in order to develop the qualities of awareness, kindness, and wisdom.
The experience developed within the Buddhist tradition over thousands of years has created an incomparable resource for all those who wish to follow a path — a path which ultimately culminates in Enlightenment or Buddhahood.

Because Buddhism does not include the idea of worshipping a creator god, some people do not see it as a religion in the normal, Western sense. The basic tenets of Buddhist teaching are straightforward and practical: nothing is fixed or permanent; actions have consequences; change is possible.

Thus Buddhism addresses itself to all people irrespective of race, nationality, or gender. It teaches practical methods (such as meditation) which enable people to realise and utilise its teachings in order to transform their experience, to be fully responsible for their lives and to develop the qualities of Wisdom and Compassion.

There are around 350 million Buddhists and a growing number of them are Westerners. They follow many different forms of Buddhism, but all traditions are characterised by non-violence, lack of dogma, tolerance of differences, and, usually, by the practice of meditation .
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Dwelling in the past

Joanne — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 22:12:00 +0000

I’m not sure where I found this but I had it saved on my computer and wanted to share it here.

Many people unconsciously dwell in the past.
They choose to relive their past memory.
Day after day they think about their old life instead of living in now.
If you choose to adhere to the past all the time,
you will get stuck in your past reality and it will be hard for you to move on.
Past exist so that we can learn from it and move on.
It is the old events that have faded away so there is no point of reliving it.
Choose not to whine
Choose not to believe that life stays in the grey world of past
If the past is haunting you choose to let it go gently and choose to focus on NOW-
You live only once so choose not to live in a grey world.
Choose to enjoy every moment of NOW as life is all about living in the NOW.
Choices are made in the NOW, not in the past nor future

Let go and let flow

Joanne — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 14:42:00 +0000

This is from one of my favorite sites, Daily Om.

Let Go And Let Flow: Taking A Leap Of Faith

Many people, in heeding the guidance of their souls, find themselves contemplating goals that seem outrageous or unattainable. In the mind’s eye, these individuals stand at the edge of a precipice and look out over the abyss at the fruit of their ambition. Some resist the urge to jump, paralyzed by the gap between their current circumstances and the life of their dreams. Others make a leap of faith into the unknown, unsure of what they will encounter but certain that they will gain more in their attempts than they would bowing to self-protective instincts. This leap can be exceedingly difficult for individuals with control issues because the act of embracing uncertainty requires them to trust that surrender will net them the rewards they seek. Yet when you make a leap of faith, believing without a doubt that you will land safely on the other side, you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do.

There have no doubt been times in your life when you chose to go where the universal flow took you. Yet you may encounter instances in which your objectives require you to step outside of the boundaries of your established comfort zone so that you may freely and actively jettison yourself into a new phase of your life. While you may fear what seems to be the inevitable fall, consider that in all likelihood you will find yourself flying. A successful leap of faith requires your attention, as it is the quiet and often indistinct voice of your inner self that will point you toward your ultimate destination. Understand that the leap across the chasm of ambiguity may challenge you in unforeseen ways but you will make it across if you trust yourself.

If your mind and heart resist, you can dampen this resistance by building a bridge of knowledge. The more you know about the leap you are poised to take, the smaller the gap between “here” and “there” will appear to be. Your courageous leap of faith can lead you into uncharted territory, enabling you to build a new, more adventurous life. Though you may anticipate that fear will be your guide on your journey across the abyss, you will likely discover that exhilaration is your constant companion.