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12 weeks

*sigh*

How could 12 weeks have gone by? Just like that.

I hate that a new season has begun without my mother here to enjoy it. She loved the start of a new season…it didn’t matter which one it was, she loved them all for their unique beauty. She enjoyed spending time decorating her home and garden to reflect each one.

Mother Nature.
That’s what we called her.

My daughter Jacqueline (9) and I have been seeing rainbows everywhere since about a week after she passed. And butterflies…all over our backyard, much more than in the past.
We like to think it’s her.

My daughters are planning on attending a childrens bereavement camp on October 13, sponsored by Hospice. They have a lot of fun activites planned, lunch and snacks, support circles and a celebration of life memorial service at the end. My husband & I have also been seeing a grief counsler at Hospice and it’s been very helpful. We were going every week in the beginning but now it’s every 2 weeks or sometimes a little longer. We also signed up for a 6 week (once a week) support group for those who have experienced the recent death of a loved one. Hospice has been really good to us, even though my mother was not a resident there. All these things are free of charge, which I think is such a great service. We decided to make a donation but have been thinking about sponsoring a stone in their “Garden of Angels” instead.

*sigh*

7 Responses to “12 weeks”

  1. Sonya says:

    I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling. The closest person I’ve lost is my grandfather, two years ago. That was hard but he had such a long life. That made it easier to deal with. Plus, he was suffering alot due to bladder cancer and then lung cancer, which ended up killing him. Now my grandmother’s health is declining and I’m feeling a little more sad every time I visit her.

    I pray your children, as well as you and your hubby, will grower stronger through this and that you will find yourself reflecting on the great memories you had with your mom more and more with each passing day.

  2. Joanne says:

    Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments.

    Jenny, I’m so sorry to hear about your son.

    cheerio, how sad to lose your mom at a time like that.

    Hi Tracy,
    you commented: “I think it must help to just admit that it hurts and allow yourself to work through those feelings”
    Your comment reminded me of our last grief couseling session at Hospice. During it I said that I never feel like I want to dull the pain. I actually want to feel it. I should be feeling it.

    Grief is so weird, ya know.

    Hey Mandy….yes, our own angel garden is a great idea. We’re starting a butterfly garden right now as a tribute to her (her nick-name was Mother Nature) and have a few other things in the works that I’ll be posting about soon.

    Leonie,,,thanks so much.
    I appreciate everyones thoughts.

  3. Leonie says:

    So sorry to hear about your loss.

  4. Mandaroo says:

    I’m glad to hear you are doing something for yourselves to help you get through this. I know you’ll never fully be over it, but I hope the pain lessens. Maybe you can make your own Garden of Angels to remember her with.It’s nice to have a spot to go to whenever you like to remember and think about things….

  5. Tracy says:

    Joann,

    I continue to see and hear my mother in everything. The end of this month is 10 years. My kids didn’t even know her, but I try to keep her memory alive by sharing all the things I see that remind me of her. It sounds like you all are taking all sorts of wonderful steps to get through the grieving. I wish my family had been so forward thinking. I think it must help to just admit that it hurts and allow yourself to work through those feelings. Thinking of you. Glad to see you are back at blogging.

    Tracy

  6. Lostcheerio says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re wise to deal with it the way you are — with counselling and support. It’s been about 4 years since I lost my mother — at the time I was pregnant and didn’t want to “deal with” any of it, so I packed it all away. I expect it to come leaping out at me sometime, when I least expect it. Hopefully I won’t be on the freeway.

  7. jenny-up the hill says:

    I think your kiddos will really benefit from the bereavement camp. We sent ours to a similar camp after our son, Gus, died. It was very helpful for them to meet other kids going through the same thing. Also, I think it’s wonderful that you are writing about this…I found writing to be very therapeutic…I still miss my little guys deeply but each day is better and better…

    I’ll be praying that your kids have a fantastic…and healing…time at camp. I look forward to hearing about it!

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